The details of our life are not as important as the space that surrounds them. Can we die right now to the mental ideals, concepts, impositions, demands, and complex ideologies, that have been built up within our hearts both generationally and personally. Not as a knee jerk reaction but because we see the absolute necessity of it, therefore have the strength and intensity to call down Divine Grace and allow our self to be consumed from the head down.
Your life is the sacred offering and the only thing substantial enough to trade for Grace. Therefore, live in a constant state of sacrifice and accept your inevitable defeat while embodied. Lay down every thought, every feeling, emotion, and ambition. Whether good or bad, sad, horrible, your greatest shame and secret spiritual desire. This is a lifestyle where all is offered to death, which reveals itself to the devotee as the transformative principal of Love whose sole purpose is to consume you, and then rebirth you from the fires of Grace.
Who is this “I” that dies? Clearly when we think of death, we think of the body as lifeless and devoid of a thinking mind. So it is two-fold: a body and a mind. But who is this “I” that says, “I have a body and a mind, and I can see that they die?” There is a third here, an awareness that is present in spite of mind-body. There are many notions about what happens when you die; these ideas are mind based, hence can only exist while there is a mind present- but we want to find out what happens when the mind dies.
So, for the devotee who wishes to discover death; they must give up both the mind and the body by staying fixed in non-conceptual awareness. In other words, to be aware without driving the mind towards any object either conceptual or physical, while allowing them to exist unimpeded.
The prerequisite is that one earnestly and relentlessly seeks the strength to willing give up the impulse to grasp the objects of the mind as they arise. My desires, my demands and dreams, my hopes, my family, my wealth, my status, my religion, and my ideology-the mechanism that demands preservation of an exclusive “me.” When this exclusive entity drops away, identification with the body goes also.
Then, you will find out what happens when “you” die. This experience is brought down by grace alone which is equivalent to one’s devotion. One must even give up the concept of giving up this or that. This state is Intense Un-manifested Awareness, Death, or God.
Our closest relationships are often the relationships that have been in our life the longest-mother and father, wife and children, etc. These relationships are built on the foundation of predictability over many years of conditioning.
When you are silent, from an outside point of view; you are unrecognizable. This is very disturbing to those who have always “known” you. It is the you that they “know”-your likes and dislikes, your expectations, prejudices, irritations, demands, moods, responses, opinions, etc. If the attributes of the me start dropping away, this can be very uncomfortable for someone who only knows how to relate through predictable mind based activity.
Explain in a letter, or text, etc; what kind of practice you are doing. If your loved ones are interested then they may ask more questions. If they are not interested, continue to communicate non-verbally through touch and gentle facial expressions. Do not engage a hostile ego, but allow for space. It takes alot of discipline and courage to remain silent during these engagements as you will see your own ego wanting to panic and get involved-as it despises this sense of intense aloneness. Understand that your silence creates a crisis for them and you; and it going to take time to adjust. Nevertheless, healing is on its way; as silence speeds up the process considerably.
Some relationships will naturally dissolve while others will blossom. Here is a conversation that will help illustrate the meaning of your silence:
Why are you so silent?
Only Love exists in silence.
How is that true?
Think of a cat or dog. They are so easily lovable because they do not engage the speaking mind. This is a non-verbal relationship where ego is secondary and Love is primary.
There is not aloofness but real joy when you walk into your house and see your puppy. Only in the absence of the me based verbal relationship can Love flourish; and the fear and conditioning finally vanish.