The truth is you are still seeking freedom, enlightenment, whatever you would like to call it; as an experience in the body and mind. The very nature of body and mind is that they are breaking down; and that is a problem because there is no Absolute to be found there. Yet that is where your identity is established, although more subtle now.
Your secret desire is to be able to experience the Absolute without having to completely give up the me.
Freedom is not dependent on mind/body conditions. Therefore, real freedom can only be experienced when the seeker finally realizes who they are in spite of form. Then whatever happens in form is not your business. This type of freedom requires a fundamental transformation or death of mind/body identification.
Your desire for Absolute freedom has gotten you this far, now it is time to decide whether you stop here or keep going. Very few go any further and many are quite content with the extraordinary steps you have already taken.
There is freedom and then there is ego management. If you remain as awareness you can manage ego pretty well, feeling all feelings as they come, living in the now, accepting emotions as little children that want love, etc. Management always means having some good days and some bad; or bouncing back and forth.
But for the Absolute you must look to the best, and believe you can become the best. Not just worship the best but go for it!
Who is your idol? Is it the very best and you believe and feel a deep desire to become that? Or have you already convinced yourself you can never be a Jesus or a Maharshi, or a Buddha?
What do you truly want and are willing to die for? A simple but profound question one must ask themselves.
If you don’t want to be the best then accept where you are and manage it. There are numerous teachers to help with that. But if nothing satisfies, then like a laser pull all your intention straight towards Grace, and dive inward!